Crux. According to my dictionary, it means a deciding point. Cabin. This one, I would like to refer to train cabins, like the one I have been in LRT and MRT. Speaking of which, I remember the efforts I have made just to make sure I make a space for myself when I took the LRT-MRT route to Ayala Ave. This is the recommendation of my friend whilst thinking where and how to get to SM Makati. As usual, the overcrowded area may seem to get to one’s nerve. It will make you think of pushing people down to the tracks, but of course that is a hyperbolic statement. So there I was, simply standing, trying to find my balance in a sea of intertwined rationalism that people make while on their way to their destinations.
This is a great opportunity to look at one of the best places in the Philippines, Manila. Overlooking the vast concrete forest, my heart started longing for solitude, comfort, and simple conversational engagement, but the thing is, in this sea of rationalism, not everyone has the time to think of others. Good thing I will be meeting friends. People who I can confide with. Self-talking won’t help during moments such as these. Until all too suddenly, while I was trying to figure out what to do next, I gawked upon one of the pieces that once-upon-a-time moved me. This was a work familiar to me. Though I have been on trains, I simply did not think I will encounter a simple sense of sublimity in a city, not of noise, but, of business. These lines, I longed to find, and now, I was able to search by memorizing some of the phrases. These lines, are as follow:
“Nang mawala ka sa akin, ikaw at ako’y nawalan:
Ako dahil ikaw ang minahal ko nang lubusan
At ikaw dahil ako ang sa iyo’y lubusang nagmahal.
Ngunit sa dalawa ay ikaw ang higit na nawalan:
Dahil pwede kong mahalin ang iba tulad nang pagmamahal ko sa iyo
Ngunit ika’y ‘di mamahalin tulad nang kung paano kita minahal.”
I first heard it when I attended the Poetry Reading event as part of the success of the English Week in our University. I enjoyed most of the works, but this one made an impact. It is a contrary to works made by one of my favourite writers Pablo Neruda, because this tackles the lost of someone, and how hopes of a new love can come sooner or later. Cardenal on the other hand utilized and touched on the reasons to keep on living, that a lost would mean another space, another slot to be filled. Neruda hinged on confessions and to anyone’s lovely confections. Cardenal, though this is just one of the works I have read that he made, is hinged on one of the presumed culture of the Pinoys, that would be longing for a love songs and or words related to lost love, or love lost. Though he is not a Pinoy, his poem made it more or less universal experience, and thus a general approach to this experience is necessary. With these I really related my past with the poem.
This piece, it simply made me realize that there is more to life, rather than stumbling over memories, again and again and me just feeling the pain, not thinking that maybe I simply can move on. This moment created an impact to me. After all, every moment is an incremental step to change. Just like a crux. It’s just that I found my crux in a train Cabin. I think I know where to go after another lost, LRT would be a suitable place to contemplate. I wish our provincial buses would think something as creative as this. I wonder how many other people will find consolations in public transportation if this is mandated.
photo credits: achienialberchie